Category Archives: CHRONICLES

happy father’s day

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“There are many different kinds of bravery. There’s the bravery of thinking of others before one’s self. Now, your father has never brandished a sword nor fired a pistol, thank heavens. But he has made many sacrifices for his family, and put away many dreams.”

“Where did he put them?”

“He put them in a drawer. And sometimes, late at night, we take them out and admire them. But it gets harder and harder to close the drawer… He does. And that is why he is brave.”

(Conversation between Mrs. Darling and Michael, from Peter Pan by J.M. Barrie)

___________

i am forever grateful and delighted that our girls have you as a dad. happy father’s day!

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motherhood /// birth story

babe

 

i have tried several time to post a storyboard of photos but just keep coming back to these two, two powerful moments. the exact moment anais was born and the first time we made eye contact, they seem to speak about the intensity and the rawness of what becoming a mother is like. i keep replaying the day in my mind as not to forget the magic of these moments and those of the day. i have sat at this computer numerous times to write this out but nothing was able to evoke the power of what birthing a baby is like, or how it feels to welcome a new soul into your family  or how captivating it is to watch those you love fall instantly in love with this new being. there is power there, it is enchanting and miraculous, it is like no other moment in your life, you are forever changed and enlightened.

i set my intentions early in my pregnancy: gentle, loving, kind and painless. my first experience, with lucy, was long and the recovery was hard, to this day i still describe it as traumatic; like someone hit me with a mac truck and then threw a baby at me. i knew i wanted to do it differently this time around, take out the trauma and replace it with beauty. so everyday (and sleepless nites) i would send energy into that intention, i envisioned myself in labor and how i wished it would be, i focused on my hopes and sweet baby anais growing inside me and prayed that ali would be there to catch my baby. a few days before her birth (i was already in the early early stages of labor, i was having totally random contractions)  i started saying out loud that i just wanted to show up at the birth center fully dilated and ready to push. so on april 24th, like every other day, dave went to work, lucy and i went on with our routine of breakfast, playing, reading, etc… all while i was dealing with noticeable but completely random surges. i had a midwife appointment set for that afternoon and knew that once i left home i would be returning with a new baby. i was uncomfortable throughout the day, i took a hot bath and a few hot showers to alleviate some of the discomfort. lucy gave me a massage, at one point i was in child’s pose (there was a lot of pressure in my lower back) and lucy had the wisdom to sit on my sacrum and squeezed my hips with her legs, it was a moment i will never forget.

throughout the day i was checking in with dave and michelle (my sis in law) to let them know nothing had really changed and that we should just all head to the midwife together to see if they can get things going. i called ali (my midwife) to give her a heads up, we exchanged a few texts and decided we would just see each other later that day, unless i needed her sooner. meanwhile, i was making lunch and washing dishes and taking moments of pause when needed. i did notice that when i started moving around my contractions would lessen and grow farther apart, i tried laying down as much as i could to keep things going, i read and tried to rest. by 2:30pm the surges were getting a bit more noticeable but were still nice, so i knew i still had a while to go. i was having to slow down to get through them, they were 30 secs to a minute long and there was still no pattern, they were anywhere from 4-16 mins apart, i thought i was in it for the long haul and that i wasn’t going to deliver any sooner than 10pm that night. i kept my intention close, earlier in the day i read a quote that i wrote down and kept at my nightstand, “inhale trust, exhale fear”, it became my mantra. during these nice surges i would envision my cervix dilating (i really pictured a flower blossoming, would completely relax and sent that energy south) and i would smile. smile because i wanted this to be a happy experience, smile because i wanted it to change my physical composure, smile because i wanted to send that message to my body, to be proud that it could birth a baby, to be delighted that all this work is worth it, to be happy with feeling empowered.

so i continued to smile, when i hugged my sister in law when she arrived at my house, when dave got home, in the car, sitting in traffic and especially when i saw ali’s face once at the birth center. we arrived there around 4pm, settled in, checked mine and the baby’s vitals (my BP was off and high) and talked about where i thought i was at. my surges were still mostly nice,  i was able to carry a conversation, laugh and have totally clarity. i was nervous about being checked because i didn’t want to be disappointed about being at 5cm or even worse at 3cm, i was thinking this was going to have to get a lot harder before my body was ready for pushing. ali needed to check me so she could get an idea of where we were and if she needed to call someone to take over her rounds, i picked a busy day to have a baby (by the time we left the birth center was full). so she checked me, i was at an 8 and her checking me moved me to a 9!! i cried! i was so happy! i looked at michelle and exclaimed, “an 8?!? that’s the peak of pain!” i was so thrilled and kept saying.” this is so awesome” over and over, i looked at ali and made a remark about the power of intention. i also looked to lucy and told her what a great job she did, she was with me ALL day while i was at home laboring and that she helped me get to this point! we now had to make a decision, i was given the option to lay down to bring my BP down and labor for a bit (my water hadn’t broke yet) or i could have ali break my water and have a baby. i chose the latter, laboring more didn’t sound too inviting. at 4:43 they broke my water and started running the tub, i laid down while it was filling, lucy changed into her swimsuit, i had a few powerful surges and then lucy and i got in to the tub at 4:53. there was a moment of utter stillness when i looked over and saw lucy sitting on the other side of the tub, in lotus pose, meditating. it was a beautiful site and made me giggle a bit, as i often wonder where this glorious child came from. i made a comment about not feeling the urge to push, then a few seconds later it came, i immediately went from lying down to on my knees and with my hands felt the baby’s head coming. i pushed, there was her head, i pushed again and there was her body. at 4:56pm anais wren was born. i immediately scooped her out of the water, lucy was already holding her hand and as a family we discovered that we had welcomed another little girl into our lives. her birth was everything i had hoped and wished for.

i had a few postpartum complications, a bit of hemorrhaging and a stitch. i still didn’t look like or feel like i got hit by a mac truck and even though there was a lot going on around/for me, i still felt very much loved, was treated kindly, was spoked to with gentle words and felt very safe.  i stayed at the birth center a bit for observation, to eat a meal and for security of having my midwife around just incase something changed. things slowly but surely remedied and we were on our way home. we were all in our pjs and in our own beds by midnight.

in the end, i was in labor for about 12 hours, labored at the birth center for an hour, pushed for 3 minutes and gave birth to a beautiful perfect soul. anais wren was 7lbs 8oz, 19″ long and had a head full of dark hair. and there is no surprise at all that her big sister is madly in love with her, as are we.

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miss beans /// seven

seven

seven years ago today this beautiful child entered our lives, changing every thing. her capacity for love knows no end, her compassion and tenderness encompasses us everyday, her wisdom and knowledge astonishes us. most know her in fleeting moments of childhood but those who are around her and that get to experience her know that she is truly a godsend, a blessing, a woman wise beyond her years. she is beautiful both in and out, her smile can stop a room and her laughter can fill it. she means the world to us and to those who love her. lucy has taught us that being a child is not a disadvantage but allows her to teach those around her in ways that adults seem to lose over time. she has shown us new ways to see and hear the world, as well as how to experience life fully. so, today we celebrate her, we celebrate the day in which she chose to be in our lives, we celebrate so she will laugh and smile and feel loved, we celebrate because we feel so (freakin’) lucky to have this soul fill our hearts and our lives with all that is her. we love you miss beans, to the moon and back. xo

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bonding /// blessingway

bond

last friday i planned a special day just for lucy and i before our family soon becomes four and she becomes an older sister. we have been studying about india for sometime now and the idea of mehndi really stood out for lucy. so on our special day i made us an appointment to partake in this traditional indian ceremony. lucy was so happy i thought that she might burst! it was truly a beautiful way to spend the day ; to welcome this new being into our lives and to bless our way as we both enter a new chapter in our lives. definitely a moment i will forever cherish.

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our life /// boxes + boxes

Rest pinterest

(via pinterest)

we are moved in, not unpacked but moved in nonetheless. my goal is to try and tackle a room a day all while still trying to maintain a semi- regular homeschool schedule…easier said than done. i have had to make promises to practically everyone in my life that i won’t push it and will take long breaks, being 35 weeks pregnant makes you recognize the need to slow down and put your feet, by choice or not.  hopefully we will have things in working order by the week’s end and i can’t wait to share some images of the new space. then its on to nesting nesting nesting as the baby will be here before we know it! wowzers, life!

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our life /// a bit of our story

Des & Dave, Vow Renewal from James Moes on Vimeo.

when dave and i decided to marry we also decided that we would renew our vows after 10 years, not out of want but out of necessity. the two of us got engaged 3 days after going out on our first date together, we just knew instantly that we had each found the partner we had been looking for. we instantly moved in together and started planning a wedding, eight months later we were married. we both knew at that the time that our promises to each other would deepen, grow and hold more meaning as the years passed. and so they did, through every twist and turn, bump and bruise, our marriage means more to us now then it did when we first started. our love for one another has changed, it is sweeter, stronger and today feels like it could hold for a thousand years.

so on our 10th anniversary, we renewed ourselves and our vows to each other in the presence of lucy, our growing baby in my belly and in front of our beautifully talented photographer and story teller friend, james. this is only part of our story and our marriage but thankfully its one of the sweetest.

 

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mountain life /// moving

hike hike1lake window
our time in the mountains has come to a bittersweet end, we move into our new place at the end of this week! we feel so blessed and fortunate to have been able to walk away from city life for 9 months to find peace, solitude and rejuvenation. this is by far one of the best decisions we have made as a family and the mountains will always hold a special place for us. as a whole we are closer, more connected to one another and have learned how to spend our time differently. we have learned that our lives before were filled with numerous distractions, wasteful ways of keeping ourselves entertained and the constant need to keep up.  we are leaving here ready to settle down in a new community close to family, water and still not so far from the city. we have a newfound love for each other that is sweeter and deeper than ever, we love what we have as a family and want to always nourish and protect it. we found a home that we love and fits our growing family well, we are thrilled to see what this new place has in store for us.

i am anxious to get things moved and to start nesting as the baby will be here in about 6 weeks. lucy is ready to explore our new neighborhood and to find us the quickest route to the beach. dave is just ready to relax and to cut his daily commute in half. our family is ready to spend the summer with us and our friends are thrilled to have us back in town.

 

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weekend

photo-3 16-21-24 photo-1photo-1photophoto-4 16-21-24

last weekend was pretty incredible, so great in fact, that i am just getting back to blogging today. trying to get homeschool back in order, shopping for a new stroller, baby clothes and new place to live all while growing a little being is a lot of work, but after looking over these photos, i am reminded of what a special weekend it was. dave and i renewed our vows that day, lucy was our witness and well as our friend james who came to document the morning. i can’t wait to share the photos with you in the upcoming weeks.

we are fortunate enough to have family that will take lucy and give us uninterrupted time to celebrate our marriage. we are happy to say we live near an incredible city that has amazing food all around. i am lucky that even though stuffed, dave will order a dessert for himself because i can’t choose between the two. we had an incredible dinner at the whale wins, it was so good that we forgot to take pictures of our main course but behold the last image, eton mess, a beautifully light air dessert topped with the best meringue crumbles and the most perfect huckleberry compote, ever!

have a wonderful weekend and i will get back to regular blogging and more come monday (ish).

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marriage /// ten

10

 

YEAR 10. how does one sum up 10 years of marriage?  its hard, a lot more than work than you could ever expect when entering year one. there are moments of pure and utter bliss and then moments that make it hard to see past the next day. there are times of intense love and intimacy, times of pain and disappointments, times mostly filled with mundane everyday boring life stuff, but somehow the commitment to stick it through together always seems to shine its way through. at this point, i can say, we are champions of marriage, not by our own doing but by those who have stood by us, listened to us, loved us and carried us through some of these joyful and less joyful times. between the two of us there have been gives and takes, there have been laughter and tears, failures and triumphs, gains and losses but i wouldn’t give anything up for the treasure we have managed to hold onto together, the gift of a loving marriage. we haven’t perfected marriage, we still cause each other sorrow and heartache, we haven’t learned how to avoid a fight. but our promise to continue learning and keeping our intentions pure is what’s going to help us make it through the long haul. we are forever changing and growing, failing and rising. there is balance and at some point someone is the farmer tending the fields while the other is allowed to be nurtured and grow.

i feel blessed that our days start and end with ‘i love yous’. i feel lucky that dave still holds my hand when we walk, he still caresses my leg while he’s driving, that he listens to my endless chatter every nite before we sleep and that he is strong enough to say ‘i’m sorry’ first, on more than a 100 occasions. i can only hope that in the end we can always manage to laugh at ourselves, continue on the path of love and maintain who we are as individuals as well as celebrate who we are as a couple.

so, david kim, i love you with my entire being and soul. i knew from day one, it was always you. i hold this marriage as sacred. as we renew ourselves to each other this weekend, i know that this time the commitment is 10 fold of what it was the first time. you’re one of my favorites! xoxo.

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