after asking for support on my blog, my mind started racing, spinning into an internal abyss. this idea of who i am and what i really want this blog to be. i am not a lifestyle blogger wanting people to covet the way i live (which is simple by any means), i by no means am fashion blogger, i wear my favorite outfits over and over again until they are no longer. i am not a food blogger, i try to create meals that are as delicious as nourishing to my family, i am happy to pass those recipes along as if you were a friend. in the night i lay in bed nursing my babe and think about what it is i want this space to hold. it was then i realized.
it has taken the night, the sweet moonlike cheeks that belong to my newest daughter to give me the answer, it has taken two children to give me the power to claim motherhood as mine. i am first most dedicated to my life with dave, a promise to grow and nurture one another and to love wholeheartedly. secondly, i committed my life to raise these women, to take them in my heart and hands and to do the best i can to feed their souls. i have claimed motherhood. i have had to birth two humans to birth my own self. i have been writing this blog for a while now, talking about things in a manner that leaves a lot of things left unsaid, edited or just what i think people will enjoy and come back for more.
if you met me in person, you would know that i am an open book. i strive in being honest and as transparent as i can be in my life. i will talk to you about anything, personal or not. i would share my stories with you, listen to yours and hope that we both found some way to inspire or heal each other. i have walked away from my career a bit because the love i felt for it was no longer there. it has taken me days of doing nothing but care for my children to strike that passion again in me. i see beauty in my life everyday, i still compose my memories like i would in a camera; portraits, landscapes, still lifes. documenting my life as i would for anyone else who was paying me but yesterday i picked up my camera and took photos with a passion that has not been there for a while. i was ready for my eye to return, i gave it permission to be so. my mind wasn’t flooded with the countless photos i have looked at for inspiration or the numerous blog posts that i have read to see what other photographers (and bloggers) have been doing. i just shot. wildly like i did in my childhood and twenties. it took the beauty of motherhood to bring it out in me again, i felt relieved, like getting acquainted with an old friend, no time had passed, we just picked up where we left off.
i have found the courage to re-collect the things that have brought me meaning and to explore some things that have been speaking to me for a long while. the quest of my journey is to continue to find my truth and to give my daughters freedom to do the same for themselves. to run wild, be free, feel worthy and to live a genuine life. this is my purpose. this is where it will start anew, fresh and with meaning.